Vacation was....different. It was honestly not my favorite. I was haunted by so many panic attack through the whole trip. Myself and my parents could not enjoy any sight seeing because of them. I'm so sick of them. I'm hoping when I start on my medication regularly it will start to make me feel better. I need to get a new lifestyle and new views on life. I don't know where to start though.
I bought some new running shoes and running pant which I hope will motivate me into shape. I really want to look different for my boyfriend. He deserves a beautiful and thin girlfriend.
I'm getting stretch marks on my thighs, back, and now my stomach. I've never had stretch marks. I will have them the rest of my life which saddens me deeply.
I can't wait to have some sort of surgery. I'm thinking rhinoplasty, breast augmentation, breast reduction, tummy tuck, and liposuction. I don't care how fake I look or how dangerous it is, at least I will be happy in my own skin and not embarrassed in a swim suit like I was on vacation.
I have never been this heavy in my life. I want to see my hipbones once again. I was once thin and graceful. I didn't make an earthquake when I walked. This is disgusting.
I've started back purging my food. Although, being bulimic can have it's pros and cons.
Pro: it's an easy way to get rid of food and feel satisfied.
Cons: It's bad for my esophagus and makes my hair fall out. But, that's all I can think about.
It makes me sad to know you are purging, sweetie. It's not only bad for your esophagus, but your heart and all your vital organs, as well.
ReplyDeleteI only wish you could see how beautiful you are and what an AMAZING young woman you always have been and have truly become.
I can't change your mind or make you see things differently and I'm not trying to. You're an adult and you make your own decisions.
I just want you to know that I love you so very much and thank God daily that He made us family. You are more special to me than most, and I would be lost without you, girl!